Have you found the magic in your experiences?

The conversation with Dave Watson was truly fascinating. In this blog post I want to explore the concept of experiences that came out in the discussion.

A key theme that emerged was the criticality of real lived experiences to shine a light on who you are. To get beyond the theory, and the surface experiences, and learn what really lies at the core of your capability.

I was speaking to a leader of a professional services firm today. We were discussing the challenges her Partner team has with holding difficult conversations with her team.

Her assumption was that they needed some skills training. An approach to hold these conversations effectively. Maybe a neat acronym that summarises steps to follow.

We discussed that these skills were necessary but no guarantee of success. Tough messages are hard to land well. Your emotional state impacts how the message is delivered. Their emotional state impacts how they hear it. If they hear it at all.

If you listen carefully, the experiences of having those types of conversations can tell you a lot about yourself. What emotions come up for you when you face a challenging situation? How do those emotions impact your behaviours? How do those behaviours impact those around you?

Dave's approach, through Offmap, is to take those experiences to their limit. To take you to your limit.

In that place the messages from the experiences become impossible to ignore - you have no choice but to learn something deep about yourself.

Most of us go through our day-to-day experiences without tuning into what they teach us about ourselves. Which is fine. It can be exhausting and paralysing to constantly analyse and introspect.

The risk comes if you never tune in. Stay unconsciously unaware. Worse, if you avoid the experiences that might teach you the most.

I like the quote from Dipen Parmer: "The magic you are looking for is in the work you're avoiding"

We naturally avoid experiences that feel hard, or scary, or intimidating. But, if we tune in, those are the experiences that can reveal hidden truths about ourselves. That is real magic.

My recommendation. Find experiences you instinctively want to avoid. Notice why you want to avoid them. What emotions come up? Why do you feel that emotion? What can that tell you about yourself?

Then, take a deep breath, and step into the experience you're avoiding. A big presentation. Feedback from a disappointed client. Firing someone. Therapy. Saying the thing you've been avoiding saying.

The list is endless. We are all avoiding doing the work that will benefit us. Which means we're avoiding the chance for magic.

Go grab the magic in your experiences.